thinking is the new black

Last week I joined the long suffering b.f, and some of his work colleagues on a music industry jolly to the launch of Groove Armada’s new album.

I have been to this type of event before (actually a younger, pre-PhD version of myself used to organise this type of thing, though sadly never for anyone as cool as Groove Armada) Nevertheless, the usual set up with a showcase is that it is quite a small audience of influential industry bods, music journalists and radio types.

Imagine my horror when we turned up to the venue to find the world and his wife and someone she knows who knows so and so, queuing around the block. Obviously at this point I was not taking into consideration that ‘I’, who had no intention of submitting a review to MixMag/ TimeOut / Guardian etc. had managed to blag an invite by association and what was OK for me should therefore be acceptable for the other 200 or so hangers on. But at the time I sniffed at the prospect of queuing up to a be constantly knocked and pushed past once inside, whilst clutching a plastic glass of cheap booze.

The door policy was utter chaos, with the PR co giving out different coloured wristbands that allowed access to various free bars. I never really managed to work this out, but it appears they were actually grading their guests, which doesn’t strike me as the best policy for bringing in new business. Blue – you’re really important, Pink – we like you but don’t give a monkeys if you have to stand at the back where you can’t really see the band and you can only drink sugar infused bright blue alcoholpops, and finally yellow -you have wronged us and must therefore stand at a bar 5 people deep waiting to be severed by a surly and overwhelmed barman only to be told the bar has run out of drinks and you have missed the first 4 songs. This resulted in a lot of “Do you know who I am?” and ringing of mobile phones, furtive calls on the mobiles, air kissing and saying hello to people they clearly had never met to demonstrate position within the hierarchy. Imagine this at an academic conference dinner –you’re a professor so you get three courses and a glass of wine, you’ve recently published a paper in a well known journal so you get after dinner mints and you – well you’re just a research student so you may sit at the table and make conversation but do not under any circumstances touch the table setting.

As a friend of one of the performers long suffering b.f was given a special wristband whilst the rest of us were actually deemed the lowest of the low and left bare wristed – the shame! However before the band had even arrived on stage the free bars to which he had access had run of drinks completely, so I stupidly volunteered to make a foray into a crowd of others to begin a long and arduous journey to the paying bar.
35 minutes later I was finally served 4 bottles of beer, but only after having my oxygen supply cut off and nearly suffocating in the throng /passing out from dehydration and being elbowed out the way by a bloke who also told me to F*** off when I pointed out that he had pushed in-front of me and stepped on my foot. It then took another 10 mins to make my way through the crowd and find my party. What joy – what fun.

Thankfully Groove Armada was absolutely brilliant, and can really pull it off as a live act. (They play all their own instruments you know!). I really enjoyed their set even though they only played a few tracks off the new album – the classics like super styling and my friend were fantastic and made it all worth it –particularly the live trombone and vocalists. I even managed to shake my arse a tiny bit despite the ridiculous lack of room within the multitude for major arse shaking.